We all NEED tough times in order to become tough people. I ask, how do you become tough without going through tough times?
The best analogy I have ever heard of is a fairy tale. In a fairy tale, there is NO such thing as “AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER” without some sort of heartbreak or tough times or adversity or something BAD happening or some unhappiness; otherwise, it would just be, AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY. So what does the EVER AFTER mean? AFTER WHAT?
After overcoming tough times and in order to overcome tough times, it takes MENTAL TOUGHNESS. Mental toughness is many things, and sometimes rather difficult to explain.
- The person with mental toughness never surrenders…NEVER.
2. He/she is distinguished from others by the constancy with which they repeat themselves — devotion & discipline (remember the Samurai Warrior).
3. He/she shows patience with which they suffer and how they react to the pain. And all the while hiding it, so as to fling it back in the face of the one who has ordered it.
4. Never resigning himself/herself a victim, nor accepting that label for sympathy, nor showing others any sadness or despair.
How do you become TOUGH without going through tough times?
In order to find toughness, it seems that you must experience and deal with tough circumstances.
In order to live happily ever after, you must endure some sadness too.
In order to be a winner, you must suffer losses too.
In order to be a champion, you must have character in action.
There are softball series and competitions where the circumstances and environment you are facing are extremely difficult: every call goes in the favor of your opponent; you are not physically healthy because of an injury; your are not executing the game the way you know you can; the fans and the crowd are jeering you and your team; and your opponent is worthy.
What is your perspective? Do you still play the game as hard and as “right” and to the “very best” you are capable? Are you unyielding – to the scoreboard, to the umpires or the cruel fans? Are you able to transcend the negative emotions you are likely feeling? ARE YOU TOUGH ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH TOUGH CIRCUMSTANCES?
When acting out your dreams and goals, you must be a mentally tough athlete. There will be times when everything and everybody is against you. At those moments, you must NOT RESIGN and you must NOT YIELD and your will must REFUSE TO GIVE IN!
Fans love to ask the simple question, ‘What happened’? when you lose or things don’t work out right. In order to compete in sport at a high level, it takes courage and toughness. “This ain’t easy stuff”. It’s not like taking your morning walk around the neighborhood. Most times, the outside world only sees the final score – but to me, the true measure is the state of mind and the character and the will of the competitors.
I love a team that is able to CONFRONT CONFRONTATION AND HOSTILITY. Good teams are aggressive and relentless versus passive and always the victim. Being mentally tough requires players who are responsible for their behavior and willing to do what the situation requires. A mentally tough athlete finds a way to make the necessary adjustments and has the ability to cope effectively with adversity.
If you are mentally tough then you can compete with pain and/or injury. Bottom line: if you are mentally tough then you find a way to “do what needs to be done” regardless of how you feel or where you are.
Most games turn on one or two pitches at this level.
Before you can become mentally tougher, by definition, you have to be tested by hard times. We all NEED tough times in order to become tough people. How do you become tough without going through tough times?
Tough times call for tough people. Tough times forge toughness.
Mental toughness is about an attitude – a perspective – about a way of thinking and living life – about welcoming challenges and adversity.
When we take total responsibility for our attitudes, then we are closer to being a mentally tough athlete and/or person. We choose our attitude and mindset in all given set of circumstances. That’s what we control – our thoughts, our minds, our will, our attitude.
And on a team, the goal is to have one heartbeat, one mindset – and hopefully, the ones with great attitudes are able to influence and rub off on others who struggle and can help them get better mindsets & perspectives.
Great teams and great leaders are able to collectively find answers to questions, solutions to problems, turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones, refuse to hold common excuses for failures, and choose not to focus on what happens to them but rather what is happening within THEM/“US”.
Great teams are composed of individuals who perceive obstacles as conditions of success and roadblocks as tests of their perseverance and will. It’s not good enough to have one or two team members who are mentally tough. You need a whole “flock” who are committed to that way of thinking.
Sometimes we need to all remember that in competition that attitude and confidence is dynamic – it’s ever changing – it’s not a pill you take – it’s not tangible or measurable – it’s not like hair color. You can be confident one day and not the next. It’s not like you wake up one day and say, “I’m confident for the next 10 years”. It’s a process. It’s a journey. It’s a life challenge.
And another flawed assumption is that the best players are the most confident.
Fans again are unrealistic in their expectations of the best players to always perform at the highest level. I’ve seen A-Rod drop an infield pop-up; I’ve seen Albert Pujols strike out with bases loaded; I saw Rivera blow a save; I saw Lebron James miss a game winning 6 foot jump shot; in fact every night on ESPN you can watch the best players in the world fill TV time with bloopers and miscues and failure.
If a softball/baseball player says that I am going to be confident only when I hit a homerun or go 4 for 4, then confidence would only happen occasionally.
You have to find things in the game that you have more control over. EFFORT and ATTITUDE. Every game brings about different challenges. Every game and every series is different. Every game is unique unto itself and presents itself with its own character and challenges and different circumstances.
Make sure you are ready regardless of the circumstances, or the umpire, or the fans, or your physical health. This game is hard and tough and sometimes cruel. It takes tough-minded people to excel at it. There are days where you have monumental success (hit 3 homeruns or strike out 20) and then there are days when you will struggle (cannot catch a simple pop-up or groundball or strike out every time).
No matter what the outcomes, we should all resolve to be mentally tougher; and sometimes, in our defeat those lessons are most valuably learned.
And when we become mentally tougher by overcoming a tough circumstance and our lives continue to be full of rich, learning experiences wherein we took an appropriate risk, then we can…all live happily EVER AFTER!
PURSUE EXCELLENCE & WIN THE NEXT PITCH!